Thursday, August 5, 2010

quick update

i realize its been a billion years since my last post and that's because i have literally had no time or energy to blog anything. and i don't have alot of time now... but for those of you (both of you) who might still ready this blog - i wanted to give you an update!

its all good now, my friends. God is good. things were terribly rough there for a while. my partner's mom reeked havoc on both of our lives. then her dad joined in. she was basically disowned. her mom single handedly brought down my entire career and ministry. and i can honestly say now in hindsight that it was the BEST thing that could've possibly happened.

her mom forced me to come out. and i needed that. i was too scared to come out on my own. i wasn't ready to give up my closet. it was safe. or so i thought. but i was suffering in that closet. i was living a lie. me and my partner were living a lie and our relationship was suffering. my relationship with God was suffering because of all the hiding and lying.

so thank you, mother-in-law. though you are a monster in law, i'm thankful you did what you did.

my partner and i have been in counseling since those days back in january of 2009. we go every other week just to process everything that happens on a day to day basis. not to get help with our relationship, per say, but to talk and process our individual lives and our issues with our families and such.

my advice to anyone who may be reading this: be honest. in God's timing, of course. but authenticity is the best. i do not regret anything that happened. i believe that the timing was perfect. God made such amazing things come out of such terrible things. the enemy's purpose was to destroy me and ruin me. but with Christ i have risen from the ashes.

i never knew i could feel joy again. i am open and honest with everyone around me. most everyone in both of our families know now - minus my grandparents. which i'm still trying to navigate those waters. i don't want to give them early heart failure.

i will possible go into more detail later, but suffice it to say, i am doing amazing. and it's taken alot to say that. i have nothing again my partner's mom. she continues to deal hatefully with us. she continues to leave destruction and poison in her wake. but now i'm no longer angry with her. no more bitterness. just sadness for her and pity. she is truly miserable and is trying to ruin me still, after everything she's already done. but i don't blame her. i am thankful for how God used her to bring me out of my closet of deception.

me and my partner are closer than ever. i have more joy than ever. i am closer to Christ than ever. and now - though my ministry looks MUCH different than it did prior to coming out - God is still opening beautiful doors for ministry. but now it is with churches who do not condemn me and tell me i'm going to hell.

though i still get nasty emails from people, mostly i am walking in love. i have an incredible support system. we attend the most amazing church in all the world! we have such amazing community and it is all about vulnerability and authenticity. God is good, my friends.

and my life verse continues to ring true:

for we know that in ALL things (even the shit) God works it ALL together for our good and His glory...

thank you Jesus for making beauty from ashes.

and thank you, dear reader, for keeping up with me and for encouraging me.

my name is lindsey, by the way. and i don't think i've ever told you that.

more honesty to come... i just have to be careful with my grandad not knowing yet. he's the only one... and he is quite the computer user!

more later my friends. pray for me. pray for me and my partner. pray that God would lead me and guide me into all truth. that He would use me in powerful ways to bring Love to this world. that people would see Jesus' love when they see me. that He would always keep me in His will.

1 comment:

Rosie H said...

You don't know me and I can't now remember how I stumbled on your blog, but I started reading it about 18 months ago. I just wanted to say that it's good to hear from you again, and especially good that things are going so well. Praise God!