Saturday, April 18, 2009

the shit has hit the fan, but it's OK!

not sure if anyone still reads this blog or not, but alas, i decided to blog.

it's been months, but better late than never. the reason i haven't blogged in so long is because everything in my life has drastically changed since hope told her parents everything. her parents told people who told people.

i was outed on all fronts by one of hope's family members.

i lost my job and my reputation is headed out the window, in some circles.

the good news: i still have my faith. it is completely intact. actually it is stronger. i've never needed Jesus more than i do now in this period in my life. i have a newfound freedom of not having to hide anymore. though i'm still not ready to completely come out in every aspect of the word.

i won't be blogging much anymore. i will start my journey of trying to be an out gay christian who still has a heart for ministry. i'll just have to start applying to open and affirming churches. i know they're out there.

God is still on His throne. this didn't surprise Him. He is good. just as good as He was before things fell apart. in fact, He is already working good out of this situation. i have a new hope. a new passion. i want to be used by God to bring hope to gay christians just like me who think they can't be gay and also be a christian.

i am living proof that the two can co-exist. Jesus is drawing close to me than ever before. i have a peace underneath it all. it is truly well with my soul, i can honestly say that.

hope and i are doing well, staying strong depsite it all. therapy does wonders.

no one and nothing can take me away from where God wants to take me so He can use me for His glory.

thanks to all of you who pray for me and read this blog. i am doing ok. it's just a major time of transition right now. but i will get through it. and God will bring me out on the other side, ready to use me in a capacity that only He can imagine right now.

pray He will show me the way into His heart.


Anonymous said...

I am still reading! And my heart goes out to you for being outed and all the pain and losses you are now dealing with... {HUGS}

Choralgirl said...

Honey, you're already IN God's heart.

Cristi said...

I'm still reading too! Know you're in my prayers as you continue to navigate your way through all that has happened.

Chris said...

God's blessings be with you as you continue to be true to yourself and who God made you to be. May you find grace and peace in God's loving arms.

Joan K said...

As a lesbian who denied her sexuality for much of her life I can really sympathize. I spent a time as a nun but finally left and began to accept myself.

I am much happier now, married to my wife. I've found a faith community of accepting and affirming people.

Your life will get better and being out of the closet is far better than being in despite the pain. Christ will continue to be with you and guide you in His service that is perfect freedom.

God Bless!

Stephanie said...

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Don't go away! I'm still reading too!

So glad you wrote to let us know how you are doing. Wow, things have changed drastically. I'm so sorry for the very tough parts of your journey. I think many of us understand how tough all that can be.

Take care of yourself, we will be here waiting.

May the peace and love of God continue to fill you and keep you.

Blessings to you and Hope.

Kate said...

Oh honey. Coming to the party late here but wow, your life's been turned upside down.

Praying hard for you both -- glad (and proud) that you're managing to keep perspective in all this!

ClosetedBaptistLesbian said...

Oh honey, I'm so sorry for you! I haven't been blogging either, and got on tonight to talk about creeping out of the closet myself, and I'm so sorry that your experience could not have been more like mine has been (so far). I'll be praying for you and Hope! Let me know how things are going!

Anonymous said...

Hang in there. You are inspiration to us all. I am a teen lesbian in a closet in the heart of the deep south. I know my church will reject me as soon as I come out, but I know I can't hide anymore. Your bravery is amazing, good luck.

Lucy said...

I realize your last post was a year ago but I just stumbled across it. I too am a closet homosexual in ministry and I struggle a lot with embracing both my sexuality and my faith. Do you have any contact information? I have lots of questions.

Hidden in Christ said...

yes lucy, you can email me at

i look forward to hearing from you! thanks to all of you for your encouragement.

so much has changed and things are amazing. better than ever. God is good. i'm out and walking in the light! will give an update soon. and i will no longer be hidden from others! YAY!!!