oh no! the gay ring

i was sitting at lunch with several Christian friends today and one of my friend's phones started ringing. it was a song i'd never heard before. but a guy friend of mine sitting next to me commented on how that was a guy singing about another guy. it was a love song apparently. he was petrified and immediately informed my friend that she had a gay ring.

she was equally mortified and seemed disgusted at the very thought of her cell phone being contaminated with a "gay ring." oh my gosh, call the authorities! everybody run for cover! quick, throw the cell phone into the pitcher of water at the table!

seriously though, every single person at the table started making jokes and freaking out. the poor girl who owned the phone was devastated. she immediately handed the phone to my guy friend and said, "fix it! i can't have a gay ring tone on my phone! please fix it!"

as if the phone was about to explode or something.

and there i sat, with a smirk on my face but a little twinge of pain in my soul. there we were, a group of christians stressing out about a ring tone from a song that just so happened to be written from a guy to another guy he apparently loved. look how far we've gone...

but again, i sat in silence. i still dont have the guts to speak up against instances like this because i dont want to be attacked like i am sometimes in these blogs. (by the way, anonymous - the negative gay bashing "prophet" one - please stop posting on my blog because i don't read them anymore anyway and i immediately push "reject" when i see your comments. so for everyone's sake, please stop writing because, with all do respect, you're wasting your time. you should start taking advantage of all the time you spend on trying to convince people of your interpretation of scripture, and you should start trusting in God's sovereignty, praying for people who are different from you, and loving them... never underestimate the power of the Holy Spirit in an abiding Christian's life. He is sovereign and you are not.)

ok as i was saying... i was silent but i know someday i'll be more bold. i was just heart broken to see mature christians who truly enjoy loving people, all the sudden fall into the immature tactic of making fun of gay people and painting them in a horrible light. what if, instead of drawing attention to "gay rings" and "gay burritos" (see a previous blog) we actually started loving gay people? i think if Jesus happened to be at the table that day, he might have encouraged us to stop with our fruitless immaturity and start loving people. stop with the trivial. let's start loving and truly living.

Highlights from "What God Has Joined Together" - part 2

if you haven't yet gone and picked up a copy of this book, go go go! it's amazing. see my first posting on highlights from the book and you will hear my praise for this brilliant book. 

more things that stood out to me in this writing:

in response to james dobson's erroneous quote that hundreds of thousands of gays are being "cured" and becoming straight, i give you Clint Trout's account found on p. 76 of "What God Has Joined Together?" :

"Confident and determined to become heterosexual, I began my five years of reparative therapy. My counselor acquainted me with Exodus International.... The cornerstone of their psychotherapy is the theory that people are gay because of a breakdown in the relationship with their same-sex parent... My life was centered on becoming straight. I went to therapy twice a week and group once a week. I read approximately 50 books on the subject. I attended about five conferences on reparative therapy. I had hundreds upon hundreds of prayer sessions, some of which lasted all night. I confessed every fantasy and experience of attraction. I was bathed in holy water and holy oil. I was baptized twice. [Four and a half years later] I was still gay. Though I had never even kissed a man, my longing for both emotional and physical intimacy with one was almost overpowering. Despite all of the prayer, confession and therapy, nothing changed that fact... Of the several hundred people in "ex-gay" ministries I have met, at conferences, groups, and my own fledgling ministry, I never met anyone who had overcome his or her desire to be with people of the same sex."

WOW. i wonder what dr. dobson would say in response to that account. 

i found it interesting that the New York Times posted an article about how james dobson decided to withdraw from the team that was overseeing Ted Haggard's therapy because "the reality is i don't have the time" said dobson. interesting. yeah, of course he doesn't have time, because it would take all the time in the world! if Ted is gay, he's gay. i don't know the guy, but tons of studies show that reparative therapy is fruitless and damaging. 

see the following link comments on this article: www.queerty.com/queer/news/dobson-cant-take-the-heat-20061108.php

ok, enough of that. i can't really get started on mr. dobson because it makes me sad. but also, i can't really judge him because i used to be like that: really dogmatic in my beliefs about the sin of homosexuality. so i'll try to let it go in prayer. and i hope to God that He will reveal to james the error of his beliefs. 

i loved that the author of "What God..." used this verse in talking about changing sexual orientation: "'Can leopards change their spots?' asked the prophet Jeremiah (13:23)'"

nope. this leopard's spots aren't going anywhere. 

i sure tried. i only had 2 years of therapy, but it didn't change me. i read books and listened to talks and ordered resources from exodus. and it just left me feeling guilty, ashamed, and hopeless. i'm sure they have the best intentions, but alot of these "ministries" are hurting alot of people. i think it sets one up for failure. 

you know who changed me? God. He changed my from beating myself up over something i can't control, and He changed me into a woman who has finally embraced who she really is and who God created her to be. and i've never been happier, more fulfilled. this is truly the abundant life. 

moving on... here are more highlights from the book:

one of my favorite chapters in the book was "What the Bible Does and Doesn't Say"

here are a few excerpts i found enlightening:

"The word homosexuality is never used in Scripture. In fact, the word didn't even exist until late in the nineteenth century." - not in the original language! it was a man-made word. interesting. 

not to mention the fact that JESUS CHRIST Himself never said 1 word about it. not one word. He sure did say alot about caring for the poor though. where have we gone wrong? fundamentalist Christians talk til they're blue in the face about how bad homosexuality is, while they let children die in poverty all around them. while people like dobson take some scriptures literally especially concerning what they think the Bible says about homosexuality, they don't take them all literally. i would like to see dobson (with his 500 million dollar per year salary) give everything he has to the poor. that was in the Bible too, ya know. 

i digress...

the authors of this book deal with every single scripture that is used to attack us GLTB folks. and they deal with the verses beautifully. you'll have to buy the book to read it in detail (did i mention it's amazing?), but here are yet some more highlights about what the Bible really says:

the sodom account: (speaking of neglecting the poor)

"Sodom's sins were pride, laziness, and gluttony, while the poor and needy suffered outside her door. She was proud and did loathsome things, so I wiped her out, as you have seen" - Ezek. 16:49-50

hmm... nothing about homosexuality. it was about power and lots of other things, not homosexual intercourse. 

the authors admonish, "We need to be cautious about taking a few carefully selected verses out of context and absolutizing them for all time, unless we're likewise ready to insist that all the other regulations be followed as well." 

they (the authors, who are both straight, married with children by the way) go on to say, "We don't honor the Word of God by insisting on an erroneous translation because it's familiar or fits preconceived notions or prejudices." AMEN!

i could go on and on, but those of you reading this are probably blind from reading all this. i know my blogs can be long, and for that i don't apologize :) that's why i started the blog! to get out what's inside my head and heart. but i will stop here, and tell you that if you want to see more from this brilliant book, go get it! you can buy it cheap on amazon! then, after that, read Rob Bell's "Velvet Elvis" more on that later...

Blessings to you blog readers...

 

the posting battle

recently, my blog has become a battle ground for postings from someone named "anonymous." i have decided to stop posting his/her comments because they have become combative, attack-driven and without love. but i did want to respond to one of the latest comments from anon. here is what he/she wrote after reading a line from my blog which read "i never thought the two could co-exist - christianity and homosexuality - but God tenderly changed my mind":

anon. posted:

"no He didn't honey, your deceitful heart changed your mind. God is very clear that faith in Christ and practicing homosexuality cannot co-exist." then he/she proceeds to quote 1 timothy 1:8-11 and 1 cor. 6:9-11 where the word "homosexuality" is inaccurately used in these verses' mistranslation. he/she goes on to say, "now, you can and i'm sure you do try to argue your way around this, but in both these passages the greek term "arsenokoi" is used to describe homosexual behavior as sin. and as you probably know it is a combination word that literally means "men who bed each other"' so, no, it isn't God who changed your mind, it is your darkened heart."

my intention in today's blog is not to change this person's mind. i know i can't. i love this person even though i dont him/her because i've been in their shoes. i lived 20+ years of my life believing exactly the same way. so i have no hard feelings toward this person or their language of my faith and conviction. i don't mean to argue to be defensive. i know that my words will do little to change anon.'s mind (and my goal is not to change his/her mind). but i do want to educate those of you who might be reading this blog, with something interesting that i found in response to the meaning behind the greek word as referenced to in anon's posting:

i can't copy and paste it all here, so i will just give you the website so that you can go look for yourselves. beware, it's long and informative and sheds some serious light on the true meaning of this greek word. 

http://www.gaychristian101.com/Define-Arsenokoites.html

so like i said, this will be the last time i post any rude anonymous comments because i want my blog to uplift people, not tear them down. we must remember that it's God's kindness that leads us to repentance (not rude blog postings). it's all about His love. i want this to be about love and i know people will disagree with me at times, and i know people will try and change my mind. but only God can. i am thankful for anon's postings because it has challenged me to go back to the cross where i find myself daily. and it has challenged me to ask again for God to convict me if i am living in sin. i am flat out asking for it! and i'm not scared of the answer. God knows how deeply i long to be in His will. so i trust that if i am living in sin, He will show me. i just don't understand why He hasn't shown me that it is sin, when i've asked for conviction for almost 7 months now. not only have i not been convicted one time, but i've actually been affirmed over and over again. and i know people will say i'm deceived and i actually completely understand that argument because i used to tell gay christians that too, when i met them. so i am not judging or arguing at all. i know where they are coming from. but in this blog, i just want to be about Love. and i know that if i let these battles continue, it will never end and Love will not be the outcome. 

i'm in support of only healthy and uplifting Christ-like discussions.  but i must say to anonymous, you have been a good sport. thank you for your input and i know you are simply standing by your beliefs so i can't judge you for that. and i don't judge you. i love you. 

at the end of the day, i just wish we could all love each other regardless of where we stand on issues. after all, they will know we are Christians by our love. no wonder most of the outside world doesn't want anything to do with Christianity. from the outside looking in, it seems like all we do is just fight and bicker and argue all the time, anyway. but i am praying for a new day, when we can love each other regardless of our differences. when we can respect one another's opinions instead of attacking and disparaging people. and when we can rely on God's kindness to lead that person to repentance if indeed repentance is necessary.

Highlights from "What God Has Joined Together" - part 1

i feel like oprah when i say the following statement: i cannot stop talking about this book! well, technically i can't really talk to many people about it because that might give me away. but i can talk about it to you over and over again! if you still haven't ordered or bought the book, you totally should. it's called What God Has Joined Together? the Christian case for gay marriage, by david myers and letha dawson scanzoni. weird name, awesome writer. i used to have a lisp and i had a friend named lisa and i said her name "letha" so i feel right at home :)

anyway, i want to start blogging about my favorite parts of the book. today will be part 1.

first, the book touched on an issue i'm very passionate about: authenticity

the writers refer to an exchange between the velveteer rabbit and the skin horse. "When someone 'love you for a long, long time' explained the wise old skin horse to the velveteen rabbit, "not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the skin horse.

"Does it happen all at once or bit by bit?" he asked.

"It doesn't happen all at once... You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily... Generally, by the time you are Real you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

The writers explain that we're most real when we're connected to others (especially when you're connected to the one you were created to love). This couldn't be truer! and i think that even more so, we are most real when we're connected with our authentic selves. i have finally connected with who i really am. not who someone tells me i am or what the world says, but really who God says i am. good stuff.

the next thing that really jumped out at me was the authors' beautiful summation of theology. sometimes theology can get tricky and complicated and by the time we're finished talking about systematic theology, people are either confused or upset. but the writers did a fabulous job in depicting the gospel in the most beautiful and accurate of lights. They realize that though christians have many differences among them (like the hot button issue of whether or not homosexuality is a sin) we also hold onto a similar hope. we can agree on some things:

"Today's followers of Jesus share a faith that God exists, loves us, and made this love manifest with a supreme redeeming act, which also serves as the supreme model for our own love for others... Whatever our differences, we agree that everyone is an image bearer of God, with immeasurable worth and deserves respect. And whatever our disputes, we share a common hope-that death will not have the last word. In the end, the very end... all shall be well. We also... generally agree that truth is revealed through God's word (Scripture) and God's works (nature). Furthermore, we agree that pride is a deadly temptation, that we are all fallible and at times broken, and that we are called to worship God with an "ever reforming" spirit of humility." AMEN AND AMEN! i love it. what a beautiful explanation of how we can actually come together as Christians, despite our differences. 

what's sad though is when christians or those who claim to be, put other christians down and judge them harshly. it breaks my heart when one person disparages and judges another for any reason. we must resist pride. we must embrace humility and try to love one another as Christ loves us. Christ never used hate speech against homosexuals. we could all learn something from Him. 

one last thing, and that will be quite enough for tonight, i loved how this book pointed out the consensus among medical professionals concerning homosexuality. this blew me away. it showed me that pretty much the only group who is still buying the whole "homosexuality is a sin" thing are mostly fundamentalist christians. of whom i am a recovering one, mind you. the book reveals that half a million medical professionals agree that therapy cannot change orientation. they agree that it is actually harmful and could have dastardly effects. i could go on and on, but basically the authors compile the research and findings of top medical professional organizations and they all agree that homosexuality is not a choice and that it is unchangeable. now i know there are many out there who might agree with this, yet still think homosexuality is a sin. i can't judge those people because i thought that once, as well. but that's when it's important for that person to dig deep into scripture and see what the Bible really says about the issue of homosexuality. i dug and dug and prayed and prayed for years. and throughout the course of that intense studying time and praying and fasting, i finally realized i'd been deceived into thinking it was a sin. i prayed for years asking God to reveal to me His Truth and He did. some may say i'm deceived now by satan, but it's quite the contrary. finally i have eyes to see. the God i am in love with would not allow me to be deceived when everyday for a year i asked Him to show me if i was wrong about everything. all i get over and over again is affirmation after affirmation. life outside of the box and 2 dimensional thinking is so much better than the alternative, in which i lived for 20+ years. i am so thankful that sanctification involves enlightenment and that God is taking us from glory to glory with new understandings. and that He is big enough and sovereign enough to keep us from being deceived if we are truly and daily seeking Him and abiding in His truth, Word, and Spirit. 

whether you are christian or non-christian, gay or not, or whether you believe being gay is a sin or not, i encourage you to read this book. educate yourself on what's really out there, outside of what you've always known. it's time to seek peace and pursue it. it's time to hold fast to the Truth. not the truth we've been taught and convinced of by people and misinterpretation of the Bible... no, i'm talking about the Truth that is found deep within the heart of the God who loves perfectly, the God who sanctifies us and the Holy Spirit who leads and guides us into all truth. 

thank you Jesus for saving me from myself. thank you for revealing your truth to me. thank you that you are big enough to reveal your heart to me despite my deceiver. thank you that in the end, you will and have and will continue to show me the way. i want more of you Jesus. i need you and i throw myself at the foot of your cross asking that you would continue to lead me and guide me into all truth, by your Spirit. search me Abba and know my thoughts. test me and know my anxious heart. see if there be any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. reveal your truth to your creation. open our eyes Lord that we might see you. truly see you, for who you really are, not who we've been told you are. open our ears to hear your truth and to see into what you really say in your word. keep us from the evil one and shine your bright light of grace, love, tenderness, mercy and forgiveness through us, your humble servants. we'll give you all the glory. amen and amen. 

For the Bible tells me so...

what an incredible movie! wow wow and then even some more wow. it was encouraging and depressing all at the same time. i cried and laughed. i was uplifted and discouraged. but mostly, i was excited about what the future holds! there are people and churches out there that are "getting it." people are embracing the truth about homosexuality. churches and true Christ-followers are finally digging into scripture and realizing that it doesn't condemns homosexuality. i already knew this (though only recently) but this movie helped drive the point home. 

if you haven't seen it, i absolutely encourage you to. it's called "for the bible tells me so" and it is a remarkable movie and one of the most important movies of our time. especially since the issue of homosexuality is splitting churches all over the world. this issue must be resolved for the body of Christ to reunite. 

some highlights of the movie:

knowing that there are 100s, if not 1000s of people out there just like me. christians who have been gay their whole lives but who tried to change it or hide it or deny it. but it doesn't work! since God made us this way, we must embrace it and start really living! the only thing holding me back was because i thought it was a sin. my whole life i'd heard "abomination... sin" from the pulpit and sunday school teachers, and yes, my parents. but now that i have a mind of my own, i have gone deep into the Word to see what the Bible really says about homosexuality. guess what Jesus says about it? nothing. yep, that's right. nothing. so it was beautiful to hear testimonies from people just like me, who came out of hiding. i just pray that my family will respond in similar ways that these families did. i just keep praying. i fell asleep last night again praying and praying for my family and friends. pleading even through tears that God would reveal His truth to christianity. 

i was heart broken by how combative some people in the church are against homosexuals. the movie showed a clip from jimmy swaggart where he yells with bigotry something like: homosexuals are an abomination and if some guy hits on me, i'll kill him and tell God he died.

really? has this what it's come to? "Godly" men preaching about hatred and violence from the pulpit. guys like james dobson fooling millions of people spreading his rhetoric of misinformation and lies. at one point he said there are hundreds of thousands of homosexuals being cured with help from God. um... show me those people james. where are they? because guess what? you can't change someone sexual orientation. did God make a mistake when He made gays? was He like, "woops, i messed up on that one, i guess He'll just have to change." uh, no. far from it. we are gay. it is at the core of who we are. it is not something that can be changed. maybe that's why ALL the major professional organizations agree that it is harmful to try and change someone's sexuality. 

facts are a stubborn thing, it's been said. and that is true. the facts are true and it proves that being gay isn't a choice. ignorance is a choice though, and i wish these "godly" men shown in the film would try and educate themselves to the truth about sexual orientation. choose to be enlightened. but no, some people think that's just too hard. we humans like our boxes. but God is ready to bust out of the box we've put Him and His Word in. no human has the corner market on the knowledge of God. only God does. therefore, how about trying to just get to know Him instead of passing judgement on a group of people you really know nothing about?

i digress :)

so the movie was amazing. yes, its heart breaking that there are so many people who call themselves christians who are waging war against homosexuals. but it was so encouraging to know there are true Christ-followers out there who are fighting for our cause. there are GODLY, truly GODLY men and women in ministry who are changing the world, who also happen to be gay. 

sorry, this is such a long blog, but the movie truly was amazing! but you'll just have to watch it for yourself! 

let me tell you something about me... God started using me THE MOST when i finally embraced my gay identity as a Christ-follower. yes, He busted out of the box i put Him in and His Spirit unleashed over everyone i sing for. i am worshipping like never before. and so are the people around me. it has been amazing to witness. when i finally accepted who God made me, that is when He has really turned up the heat on my ministry! i'm just trying to ride the wave and hang on for dear life! because He is moving and it is a beautiful thing to witness and be a part of. how awesome a privilege is it to get to be included in what God is doing to bring glory to His name in this world. 

make much of Yourself Jesus! reveal Your truth about how You feel about homosexuals. quiet the mouths of people who are ignorant and hateful! and raise the voice of the people who are fighting for Love and Equality! prepare our hearts for truth and unify Your body!

i'm ready. are you? 

integrity and the lack thereof

i have always wanted to be a woman of integrity. i would love for people to say about me: "she's a woman of her word, she has integrity, etc." 

i heard a sermon the other day on integrity and deception. and i knew it was going to be extremely difficult to listen to, because after all, i am basically living a life of deception. i am putting forth a facade that i am a normal, straight christian in full-time ministry. yet, at the core of who i am, i am gay. i've always wanted my public life to honestly represent my private life but that is not an option right now. and it was very hard to hear the content of this sermon.

first of all, facade means "a misrepresentation intended to conceal something unpleasant."

dont get me wrong, i dont think my being gay is unpleasant. but it is unpleasant to mainstream christianity, and that happens to be the primary world in which i live and minister and do my job. but to survive, and not be completely kicked out of the ministry, i have to misrepresent. thus, my struggle and the tension between being real and being cautious. 

the speaker said it this way: lying is sinful. bearing false witness is sinful, in all circumstances. half-truths are deceptive and thus, a lie. equivocating is lying as well. deceiving others can also be included in this category. all i kept hearing was that God wants us to be people of integrity. i agree. but what if it's not that easy?

what about the people who were hiding jews from the nazis? when the hitler folks came around their house and said, "are you hiding any jews?" i think it was probably ok for them to lie. i was asking God what He thought about this, but i didn't really get an answer. 

so i'm sitting there in my chair seemingly sinking lower and lower as i listened to the message on integrity.  the speaker said with an emphatic tone, "integrity comes from the math word integer, which is a whole number. thus, integrity means to live with wholeness... the definition being: 'the quality or state of being complete and undivided.'" then there was a challeging question to the listeners, "are you complete and undivided? does your private life match your public life? are you living a life of half-truths and living from a heart divided by lies?"

ouch. ouch. and more ouch. 

yes! i cried to the Lord. and He knows. He knows that i'm living a double-life. my most happy and natural life is the one i live when no one is looking, when i embrace my gay identity and love the woman who i was created for. but the life people see is the life i portray when i am fulfilling the role of worship pastor at my extremely conservative and border-line fundamentalist church! that life being a straight, got-it-all-together good christian moral girl.

it hit me like a 2x4... i am not living in integrity. but Lord, have i any choice? what are my other options? if i come out, then i'll be kicked out. if i get real, then i'll get fired. if i live with integrity, i will be shunned with judgement. and that would mean i would have to say goodbye to the ministry God has called me to. sure, there are ministries that would allow me to use my giftings and also be gay. but coming out would end what i am doing now, and what i'm doing now is exactly what i feel called to do.

oh the tension and heart-dividedness! i know the Lord will iron this out in my heart, but right now it just makes me anxious. i want so badly to be like the people i saw on the movie last night "for the Bible tells me so." i want to shout it from a mountain! or, at least i want to tell my dad or close friends. but right now, that is not an option. so what do i do? well, i have many nights like last night: i fell asleep praying for my family, that God would soften their hearts and prepare them to hear what the Truth is about scripture and homosexuality and also the sexual orientation of their daughter. i dream of the day when i can sit my daddy down and say, daddy, i'm gay. and i long for the moment when he holds me regardless and says, honey, it's ok, i love you. but what's more, i would love for God to reveal to him that it's not a sin at all. this will take an act of God. good thing i have the God of the universe acting on my behalf! 

so, integrity or not, i am still abiding in Christ and trying my hardest to trust and live a life of surrender. i pray He has grace on me as i try to figure out how to live out my calling and also my sexual orientation. 

i would love to hear anyone's comments who might know how to do this whole living with integrity but being in the closet thing... 

the book that is rocking my world

hope and i have been reading the most incredible book over the past week. it's fairly addicting and therefore we are finishing it quite fast. if you are reading this blog, i would STRONGLY encourage you to go out, as soon as possible, and get this book and read it! i am not one to make book suggestions. because let's face it, i dont read alot. but this is one book i absolutely think you need to read, if you haven't already.

i had no idea how informative it would be, but let me just say that this book is officially rocking my world. whether you are straight, gay, christian, non-christian, or whatever, you absolutely have to check this book out.

"What God Has Joined Together? A Christian case for gay marriage" by David G. Myers and Letha Dawson Scanzoni

wow wow and then more wow. holy wow in fact. this book opened my eyes even further to what God thinks about homosexuality. and then God took me a step further: what He thinks about gay marriage. it was amazing to read how every single argument i've ever heard against homosexuality can completely be dealt with and proved wrong. 

i have a newfound confidence and God so affirmed who i am with this book! that's why i want you all to read it. regardless of where you are in life or who you are or Whose you are, check this book out. it's the real deal. tons of evidence and science, coupled with tons of scripture and spirituality.

aside from reading this book, Hope and i have been praying like crazy for our families and friends. i doubt i'll come out anytime soon, so i figured i might as well start praying that God would soften the hearts of my loved ones in the area of homosexuality. 

i am extremely close with my entire family and they would be devastated to hear that i have embraced my gay identity. everyone in my family, everyone in my circle of friends, and i'm fairly sure most people in my church think that homosexuality is a sin. i can't blame them, because i agreed with them for 20 + years. i just pray now that they would be enlightened as i have been. i have such a burning and yearning for my parents to know. especially my father. that would be such an amazing thing to be able to confide in him. he's the kind of guy that would still love me through it, while also praying i would "be convicted of my life of sin." so that would be ridiculously hard. 

i am convinced that the rest of my family would NEVER even remotely consider the possibility that homosexuality is ok with God, barring some unforseen miracle. and i know God is big enough and that nothing is impossible with Him. i have just had such an increasing burden for my family and friends. 

i am so thankful for cecilia's blog (ceciliainthecloset.blogspot.com) because it has so encouraged hope and i. how awesome it was to read how she told her family and no one died from shock. i am praying the same for me, some day in the future.

tonight hope and i will be cuddled up on the couch with the movie "for the Bible tells me so". i've heard a ton of awesome stuff about this movie, so we're so excited to finally be able to watch it and see what it's all about! i'm a little nervous because it's a touchy subject. but i'm ready to see it. i so long for the day when christiandom quits marginalizing GLTB. 

thanks to all of you who have been commenting on my blogs. i seriously can't even begin to tell you all how much that means to me. i really had no clue how to start blogging and i was nervous to bear my soul to complete strangers. but God has amazingly enough used blogging to begin some serious healing and freedom in me. though i am in the closet and hidden from everyone, i feel like i have an on-line community who i can be real with. i love being myself with you all. thank you for not judging me. thank you for accepting me, but not only that, thank you for going above and beyond and actually encouraging and affirming my faith and sexual orientation. 

i'm getting better and better about admitting who i really am: a daughter of the Most High God who is gay. wow. 

more to come in the upcoming blogs: my favorite snippets from the book i was telling you about; my response to the movie i'll be watching tonight, and also the heart break i felt from hearing a sermon about lying and deceiving. more later... must go watch movie now...