an update... finally!

Gay Double Date Update!

sorry friends to take so long to blog about this! the days after the double date were crazy and I’ve been out of town all this week! but lo and behold, here are some updates:

my first gay double date was amazing. I really haven’t found words yet to describe it. me and Hope had a blast with one of my old friends from high school and her partner. we cooked out and laughed and talked and caught up. the most incredible part, though, was getting to be free with my affection toward Hope. at first, it was awkward because we’ve never been able to love on each other in public or in front of anyone, because our relationship is in the closet, for necessary reasons. but after a while, it became more natural and comfortable. I found myself flirting with Hope and it was ok! I was able to hold on to her hand and tell her things I would normally only tell her when we are alone. now, don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t like PDA central, it was sweet and appropriate and perfect.

I held her at dinner, I was able to stare at her without having to worry about who might notice, and I was able to proudly call her my beloved. to show affection to the woman I was created for, opened up a whole new door of freedom for me personally and relationally. it felt so right and so natural, that by the end of the night I consciously had to stop interacting with Hope so much because we were definitely close to crossing the line of good ol’ public displays of affection. but can you blame me? I mean really. it was my very very very first time ever that I was able to act like a lesbian in front of anyone. plus, I got to love on my future wife in front of one of my best friends! the double date was a match made in heaven, to say the very least.

being “out” for one night in the presence of safe, low-risk people, was exhilarating. it actually grew my love for Hope. I caught a glimpse of what real-world out lesbians must feel like. how awesome must it be to love on your partner without any fear or worry of what other people are thinking or saying.

now I’m so much more aware of same-sex couples in public, even though I don’t see many where I live – conservative right wing fundamentalist capital of America basically. but yesterday, I saw two women hugging on each other and being really sweet, and then I realized it was a mother and daughter. crap. I thought I had found another couple!

side note: yesterday, I sat down with an old pastor friend and some how we got on the topic of homosexuality. he said the usual, “homosexuality is causing the degradation of our society as we know it. may God have mercy on our souls” type crapola that I used to believe too. what was amazing is that it didn’t make me upset like it usually does. I was simply challenged to pray that his eyes, along with the eyes of most conservative Christians, would be opened and they would be freed from their ignorance. his arguments against homosexuality couldn’t have been more flawed. he really had no idea what he was talking about. yet he talked with such confidence. even quoting good ol’ Dobson articles. barf. but it made me realize that we have such a long way to go. which draws me to my knees in day-by-day and moment by moment surrender to the ever so capable and sufficient God who is sovereign over all things.